i don't know, i kinda think alot more nowadays than last time. but now, the anger and the resentment had dissolved, and wat i am thinking now is abt how i could have changed things, how it could haf been. more like reflecting on the relationship and on my actions. i don't think i can get into a relationship now too, because i am still bruised and i still haf a little feelings for my ex. i know becos i still look out for him and think of him. until one day when i can finally let go, i will let in others who may make my life beautiful... i was hoping to meet someone again who can change my view tt relationships are hurting. i am hoping tt the next person who comes along tries hard enough to keep me. i guess we just have to be very careful with the next one...don't be afraid to fall in love, i guess by getting burnt we learn lessons and our next relationship will be better.....

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I just don't feel like I am going to be whole again. I know that is a typical feeling. I just can't seem to feel like I am going to be on track ever. I cry all of the time anymore...worse than before. I always feel awful. At this time I have no desire to be in a relationship again. I don't think I could subject myself to that type of pain again.

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Replying to:

Hi everyone!!!!!




I have got to say that I love this web site, and all the wonderful little pieces of advice that we all give each other. I would also like to say that I was very inspired by the additions from Stephanie and Lily. Lily, hang in there - Stephanie is right - you were brave to leave, it takes a lot of self respect to do that and you did it. Even though right now you feel defeated, you're not because you showed that you are in control of your life.




Sometimes break ups feel like a control issue, dont they. I mean, we get dumped and feel like we have lost all our power. But we havent. No one can take that away. So we got hurt, and our exes who hurt us have also been dumped before most likely. And if not then maybe they will. Not that we would wish that upon them.




The world is full of people who have been dumped or are doing the dumping which reminds me that it is all part and parcel of life. When my ex boyfriend and I first broke up, three and a half months ago, I felt like my world was ending. I had become so dependant upon him. But I realize day by day that the world is full of other opportunites. Dont get me wrong, I still feel very up and down and am not over it yet. I have very bad days and regressions, like Satureday night, if you read my other entry.




But like my friend told me and I believe it - its important to get burnt. When you get burnt it makes you appreciate love even more and look at how you will do things differently next time, and what you really really need in a relationship. I realize now, I want a really nice, genuine, caring guy with a good heart. Looks dont even enter my mind. Ive always been attracted to party guys, but no more. I want the nice guy, not the bastard. So thats how this break up has changed me.




My ex and I may be able to be friends. we were certainly a little more than that on the weekend, but hey everyone has been there and Im not going to beat myself up about it. I sent him an email on Sunday but no reply yet - it was very friendly and light hearted - nothing about us or the break up. No email yet? Well, if he replies he replies, but I would like to try to be friends. I send him a quick e mail joking about how its customary to reply to emails - today. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe not.




I dont really know what Im doing right now or how Im feeling. The whole weekend extravaganza kind of messed with my mind a bit and it may take another week or two for me to get back on track. Am I moving on, am i doing okay, am i strong (these are the questions that run through my head). I told him on the weekend that Im not in love with him anymore and I really thought that was true - I felt so relieved and light and we both agreed we could be friends but after sleeping with him im all messed up again. But what I feel is, Im probably not in love with him, but created that attachement again by doing the deed? Does anyone have any thoughts on this?




Anyway, I got carried away. One thing I wanted to say is how thankful I am for all the emails Ive had from people and the replies on this forum. This has been a lifeline for me. So everyone, remember - we can do it!! We will get over the exes!!!! We will love again some day!!!! We will take the lessons we have learnt and use them well.




Good luck

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