I would just forget him and find someone else. Dating other people will get your mind off that ex and it will make you get over him. What ever you do, dont mention your ex to a new friend you are interesting in dating. I've been through some breakups, forget the person and date, go out with your friends and get drunk, just go out with other people, its the best remedy, trust me, it works. Dont hang on as friends, live life be strong and just be happy, there are others out there, just read these messages.

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

Replying to:

I do think that it does take lots of time and healing. I don't plan on looking for anything for anyone, anytime soon. I do try to remain positive but it's hard. I reflect a lot on the past but I know that you can't possibly drive forward if you are looking in the rear-view mirror all of the time. I think a lot of my problem is that my ex and I have remained close. At first, when I moved out, I didn't talk to him, then we started to talk and now he calls me everyday. I love that he calls me but it's kind of bittersweet at the same time. I think that it is still very hard for me to accept that we are just friends. I think that is why I have such a crap attitude but I know that I just need to deal with it. I have to take him anyway I can. It's still pretty new too. He has someone else in his life and I think about that all of the time. Why was I not good enough. I lost my whole life and he still gets what he wants.

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

Replying to:

i guess you just haven found the "right" guy who can make u fall head over heels over him... plus the fact tt u have just gone thru a breakup, the wounds are still fresh, your threshold is probably higher, people need to do alot more to touch you, to make you feel happy. i think it's the sse for me too..,my ex was really nice to me while we were at it, but i told myself now tt is's all over, thinking and hoping is no use. it's very ahrd to make urself believe and do wat u preach but we dun have any other choice.. we have to open our hearts, and hang out more with people. it's not good to just shun away from others just cos you dun wanna fall in love. u may lose the opportunity the meet the right guy, who may not exactly impress you at the first meeting.. i guess we have to face reality, we r still young and there r nicer people out there worth our while. my ex didden exactly try very hard to get me, we mutually fell in love, tt's prob y he can let go of me so easily. i guess i need someone who can really treasure me. i loved him so much, i thot i could never love again, but love is not quantifiable, it will grow again. when the right one comes along, we just have to be more caerful b4 we fall in love.. but then again, the guy may be sincere but lose tt intensity after a while, we jus haf to be prepared for all these bad things. not everyting in life go the way we want it to be, and love's one of those things. i know we all hope to last with the very first, or one of the first few, but the truth is it's probably not so fairy tale like after all... i dunno. feelinfg vexed now too..

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

Replying to:

I don't think that I am afraid of falling in love, I just don't want to. I have no desire to be with anyone. I can't picture myself holding hands, kissing, cuddling, etc, with anyone but my ex. I am sure that this is very typical. One of my friends asked me to go on a date with a mutual friend of one of ours and I couldn't. This guy who wanted to go on a date with me, has known me for a couple of years and also knows my ex, he knows what we went through. At first I thought it would be fun, but then I thought that even if we just went somewhere as friends he obviously wants more. I am not ready for that. I have no attraction to him or anyone else right now. I go out with my friends and do stuff and other guys have shown an interest in me. A lot of them are very nice looking and they are all going places with their life. At times I feel like I am letting life pass me by but other times I know that I am not ready for anything. How could I possibly go on a date with someone and think about someone else the whole time? I know that my ex hurt me a lot in the end but it wasn't always like that. Sometimes I feel like I have already loved my life times worth. I know that this is just a life's lesson but it's hard for me to digest right now. I understand the reality of it all, and as much as I accept it, I am not okay with it. I guess it takes lots and lots of time. We all know that though. All I can do is just keep on with my life, push myself and realize that tomorrow will be a better day sooner or later.

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

Replying to:

i don't know, i kinda think alot more nowadays than last time. but now, the anger and the resentment had dissolved, and wat i am thinking now is abt how i could have changed things, how it could haf been. more like reflecting on the relationship and on my actions. i don't think i can get into a relationship now too, because i am still bruised and i still haf a little feelings for my ex. i know becos i still look out for him and think of him. until one day when i can finally let go, i will let in others who may make my life beautiful... i was hoping to meet someone again who can change my view tt relationships are hurting. i am hoping tt the next person who comes along tries hard enough to keep me. i guess we just have to be very careful with the next one...don't be afraid to fall in love, i guess by getting burnt we learn lessons and our next relationship will be better.....

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

Replying to:

I just don't feel like I am going to be whole again. I know that is a typical feeling. I just can't seem to feel like I am going to be on track ever. I cry all of the time anymore...worse than before. I always feel awful. At this time I have no desire to be in a relationship again. I don't think I could subject myself to that type of pain again.

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

Replying to:

Hi everyone!!!!!




I have got to say that I love this web site, and all the wonderful little pieces of advice that we all give each other. I would also like to say that I was very inspired by the additions from Stephanie and Lily. Lily, hang in there - Stephanie is right - you were brave to leave, it takes a lot of self respect to do that and you did it. Even though right now you feel defeated, you're not because you showed that you are in control of your life.




Sometimes break ups feel like a control issue, dont they. I mean, we get dumped and feel like we have lost all our power. But we havent. No one can take that away. So we got hurt, and our exes who hurt us have also been dumped before most likely. And if not then maybe they will. Not that we would wish that upon them.




The world is full of people who have been dumped or are doing the dumping which reminds me that it is all part and parcel of life. When my ex boyfriend and I first broke up, three and a half months ago, I felt like my world was ending. I had become so dependant upon him. But I realize day by day that the world is full of other opportunites. Dont get me wrong, I still feel very up and down and am not over it yet. I have very bad days and regressions, like Satureday night, if you read my other entry.




But like my friend told me and I believe it - its important to get burnt. When you get burnt it makes you appreciate love even more and look at how you will do things differently next time, and what you really really need in a relationship. I realize now, I want a really nice, genuine, caring guy with a good heart. Looks dont even enter my mind. Ive always been attracted to party guys, but no more. I want the nice guy, not the bastard. So thats how this break up has changed me.




My ex and I may be able to be friends. we were certainly a little more than that on the weekend, but hey everyone has been there and Im not going to beat myself up about it. I sent him an email on Sunday but no reply yet - it was very friendly and light hearted - nothing about us or the break up. No email yet? Well, if he replies he replies, but I would like to try to be friends. I send him a quick e mail joking about how its customary to reply to emails - today. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe not.




I dont really know what Im doing right now or how Im feeling. The whole weekend extravaganza kind of messed with my mind a bit and it may take another week or two for me to get back on track. Am I moving on, am i doing okay, am i strong (these are the questions that run through my head). I told him on the weekend that Im not in love with him anymore and I really thought that was true - I felt so relieved and light and we both agreed we could be friends but after sleeping with him im all messed up again. But what I feel is, Im probably not in love with him, but created that attachement again by doing the deed? Does anyone have any thoughts on this?




Anyway, I got carried away. One thing I wanted to say is how thankful I am for all the emails Ive had from people and the replies on this forum. This has been a lifeline for me. So everyone, remember - we can do it!! We will get over the exes!!!! We will love again some day!!!! We will take the lessons we have learnt and use them well.




Good luck